“Default” Mom
I am a mom and I can say motherhood is the most rewarding job a woman can have. However, it can also be one of the most isolating and overall so challenging, especially when mothers become the "default" parent. This term has been thrown around a lot. I am that mom.. are you that mom?
The term "default parent" refers to the parent who is primarily responsible for the day-to-day care of their children. Don’t get me wrong, fathers are also involved in parenting, too, but mothers often shoulder the majority of the responsibilities, which can have significant impacts on their mental health.
One of the main challenges faced by “default” mothers is feeling overwhelmed. We often struggle to balance our own needs with the needs of our children and partner. We feel like we are constantly juggling multiple responsibilities, from managing household chores to attending to their children's emotional and physical needs. This can lead to feelings of exhaustion, stress, and burnout, which can impact our mental health; feeling overwhelmed, isolation and loneliness.
When I am solely responsible for it all, I feel like I have lost my identity outside of my role as a parent. I sometimes feel smothered and consumed. I struggle to find time for hobbies or socializing with friends. This has impacted my mental health and certainly has proven to affect a mother to experience depression and anxiety.
Even when fathers/ partners are involved in parenting, they may don’t always take on an equal share of the responsibilities. This can lead to resentment and tension between partners, which can further impact a mother's mental health. It also perpetuates gender stereotypes, which have negative impacts on children's attitudes towards gender roles.
Do you feel like you are not doing enough for your children or partner? Do you have feelings of guilt and self-doubt? How about comparing yourself to other mothers? Of course, you feel these things. I feel these things, too! I feel inadequate. I have lower self-esteem. This can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety.
It's important for mothers to prioritize their own needs and seek support from their partners, my friends, or my fellow mom friends… You know who you are!
It's important for society to recognize the gender disparities in parenting and work towards creating more equitable parenting roles for both mothers and fathers.
